A Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man Journal Entry

"His silent watchful manner had grown upon him and he took little part in he games. The children, wearing the spoils of their crackers, danced and romped noisily and, though he tried to share their merriment, he felt himself a gloomy figure amid the gay cocked hats and sunbonnets." (72)

This is a moment where we first see that Stephen has matured. Well, at least towards other people. His "watchful manner" has now become part of his life. He is mature enough not to scream and romp around the floor like a gorilla. Stephen was too old for for the games now—his mentality has matured. He did not fit in with the children anymore. Stephen is not as pure or playful as he used to be. We also see that "he tried" to join in too, signifying that he may want to be a child again. Children are embraced by warm women—and that is why Stephen wants childhood back.

I also compared Stephen to the sun here. This sun represents the maturity or any loss of Stephen. The sun emits light, but the children have hats and sunbonnets, effectively blocking the light. They are shielded from any influence Stephen may have on them, staying pure. Also, notice that he is a "gloomy figure". I think of gloomy as dark and depressed. Thus, the rays of the dark sun, him, are rejected by the happy innocent children.